Prepare.

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If you think about the amount of financial and emotional investment that goes into preparing for the wedding itself, doesn’t it make sense to invest a little in strengthening the relationship at the onset?

Most couples spend more time planning their weddings than their marriages! With divorce rates at an all time high, couples are facing more challenges than ever.

Many couples preparing for marriage honestly believe they are strong going into the union and are caught up with all the loving feelings and other feel-good stuff going on ahead of nuptials. Many  couples often don’t consider the potential pitfalls which  often times what leads them into a therapist’s office some time down the line.

Countless married couples come into my office at the “end of their rope” with very shaky relationship foundations, diminished emotional safety and little ability to deflect internal conflict within their relationship, and stressful external life events. I strongly encourage couples to give their marriages the best possible start – to do all they can ahead of time to avoid marriage counseling later. Based on my experience with couples who see me for marriage counseling and the issues they bring in, there are a number of things that would have been helpful for them to have known about or worked on previously.

Premarital Counseling can help you:

  • Strengthen Communication Skills: Being able to effectively listen, truly hear and validate the other’s position is a skill that isn’t necessarily a “given” for many people. Couples that really communicate effectively can discuss and resolve issues when they arise more effectively. You can tune up your talking and listening skills. This is one of the most important aspects of emotional safety between couples.
  • Develop Personal, Couple and Family Goals: It amazes me how many married couples have never discussed their relationship goals – let alone personal or family. I honestly think it just doesn’t cross their minds! This is a long term investment together – why not put your heads together and look at how you’d like the future to look? Where do you want to be in five years? Approximately when would you like to have children? How many children? There are many areas that can be explored and it can be a fun exercise to do together.
  • Identify any Problematic Family of Origin Issues: We learn so much of how to “be” from our parents, primary caregivers and other early influences. If one of the partners experienced a high conflict or unloving household, it can be helpful to explore that in regards to how it might play out in the marriage. Couples who have an understanding of the existence of any problematic conditioning around how relationships work are usually better at disrupting repetition of these learned behaviors.
  • Discuss Role Expectations: It’s incredibly common for married couples to never really have discussed who will be doing what in the marriage. This can apply to job, finances, chores, sexual intimacy and more. Having an open and honest discussion about what each of you expect from the other in a variety of areas leads to fewer surprises and upsets down the line.
  • Explore Spiritual Beliefs: For some this is not a big issue – but for others a serious one. Differing spiritual beliefs are not a problem as long as it’s been discussed and there is an understanding of how they will function in the marriage with regards to practice, beliefs, children, etc.
  • Learn Conflict Resolution Skills: Nobody wants to think that they’ll have conflict in their marriage. The reality is that “conflict” can range from disagreements about who will take out the trash to emotionally charged arguments about serious issues – and this will probably be part of a couple’s story at one time or another. There are ways to effectively de-escalate conflict that are highly effective and can decrease the time spent engaged in the argument.

Click  the button below so that you can learn more about pre-marital counseling with Dr. Carey!

I want to make An Appointment with Dr. KaRae’

What Can I Expect Sessions to be like with Pre-marital Counseling?

 

  • Session 1 – Intake Session/Couples Meeting
  • Session 2 – Individual Session with Partner A
  • Session 3 – Individual Session with Partner B
  • Session 4 – Couples Meeting:  Feedback session of my hypothesis regarding the presenting problem and goals, solidification and arrangements for continued therapy.

 

 

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Pre marital counseling doesn’t need to be a long process, especially if you feel you’re starting out with a very solid foundation and only need some clarifications and goal-setting.

For some people who are poised to start out the marriage as a “higher conflict” couple or have deeper issues to contend with, the process could take a bit longer.

Regardless, be sure to take the time to invest in your marriage as you might in the event itself. The return on your marriage investment has the potential to be life long!

Click the button below so that you can learn more about pre-marital counseling with Dr. Carey!

 

I want to make An Appointment with Dr. KaRae’

“No Secrets” Policy

I practice by the standards set forth by the American Counseling Association. I consider the couple (the treatment unit) to be the patient.  If we contract for couples therapy and either partner A or B calls or emails me, the contact and information discussed in that contact can be aired in the session.  This “no secrets” policy is intended to allow me to continue to treat the couple by preventing, to the extent possible, a conflict of interest to arise where an individual’s interests may not be consistnet with the interests of the unit being served.  This, if you feel it necessary to talk about matters that you absolutely want to be shared with no one, you might want to consult with an individual therapist who can treat you individually regarding those matters.

 

 

Contact me today for an appointment 919-454-7857

What's New

December 10th, 2013

It is that time where we spend our days working, shopping, cooking, cleaning, traveling, hosting, being a guest, and wish granting. It is a wonder we call it is the “Most wonderful time of the year.” It’s that time of year. Yes, ‘that’ time. Where the hustle and bustle takes over daily life. That time where we look at the “lists” everyone has made for us and try to make their “dreams come true.”

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August 28th, 2013

The NEW website is launching on September 1, 2013! Get ready to turn the heat up in your marriage!

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February 25th, 2013

Dr. Carey publishes her second article, Parenting Through the Distance, on Ezine @articles.

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February 25th, 2013

Dr. Carey publishes her second article, Parenting Through the Distance, on Ezine @articles.

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February 25th, 2013

Dr. Carey publishes her second article, Parenting Through the Distance, on Ezine @articles.

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February 25th, 2013

Dr. Carey publishes her second article, Parenting Through the Distance, on Ezine @articles.

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February 25th, 2013

Dr. Carey publishes her second article, Parenting Through the Distance, on Ezine @articles.

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February 25th, 2013

Dr. Carey publishes her second article, Parenting Through the Distance, on Ezine @articles.

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February 25th, 2013

Dr. Carey publishes her second article, Parenting Through the Distance, on Ezine @articles.